Monday, June 10, 2013


Well Well Well the years melt like vangogh's clocks but not with the sticky solidarity of still recognizable landscape but into the mush reminiscent of re-fried beans. As we realize this, two choices are thrust upon us; To muddle waddle unclean to the next semi-firm shore or to slowly descend into the ooze, the stagnation that life leaves behind in its backwater eddies. So, being depressed I sat in that glop for about 4 years. My days consisted of seeing how many 24 ounce Keystone Ice beers I could consume in a day. How many times I could get more, and how I could get more for the morning. Well someone had to do it. For everyone that turns into a falling down lush someone has to turn into a hyperactive over achiever. That's my theory. If I had stayed active instead of being a falling down waste of sperm, Angelina j Jolie would still have breasts and 3 less children and her foundation would have done housing brochures for the tsunami victims instead of actually housing. I did my part. Well finally this March during my gala birthday extravaganza I met this guy that had been staying on the down stairs couch. A friend of a friend. How friendly. He was not fondest thought of by my friends. I FELL IN LOVE. There is not a single thing about him that I dislike. He has cornflower blue eyes flecked with gold that sparkles like goldenshlager when the light hits them just right. When he smiles his lips don't just turn up, his entire face smiles. His eyes sparkle and turn up at the corners. His ears wiggle upward to attention. He is the sweetest, cutest, most unassuming bad boy. He can go from cultured to gutter and back in less than seven seconds. Name some heavy equipment, he prolly drives it, he roofs sheet rocks, and paints. He can quote you famous novels and knows his way around a computer screen with skill. He's has a strong honor code. He is tough as nails, springy as steel, muscled and tight. And yet he can come across as a fragile tender bird in the next breath. He has the soft dark brown hair of a teddy bear, then when cut short gives him the appearance of a military clean cut guy. He has been burned by those he loves and he always seems to give second chances. Many people give the attitude that he doesn't matter, that he is worthless and can be treated with a casual unconcern. Many people are very wrong and self important. That feeling leaked into my thoughts for oh, about a minute, that I didn't need to care what he thought. Now that is all I think about.I haven't had a drink in 37 days now. I told him that he deserves a friend that isn't a puddle. He said that's good cuz he wants to do things with me, not skip stones off me. Spending any time at all with him has lead me to believe that he is truly a treasure and I thank God that I have had him come into my life. He tells me that he is not gay, but that he is my boyfriend. He has told friends of his that we are sort of seeing each other and when hit with...WHAT?...answers know, dating. He has said he is not gay but this is the best relationship he has ever been in and that he is the most comfortable that he has ever been in any relationship. He says he is not gay. He has 2-5 children. And a temper he needs to be talked down from. He has a refreshing innocence. I want to be attached to him at the hip for life. Considering I am not partial to my own kind, this drives me wild. As does when he brushes his razor stubble against my face or neck. My whole life, nothing excites me more. When I am sick and may have to be at the hospital over night he says he will stay with me. He says a family member can do that. He says they can't stop a significant other. I love this man with all and who and what that I am. I can not see an end to it. For better for worse. I have made a decision. I have made a commitment. For the first time in my life, I have a man of my own that I can call my boyfriend. MY boyfriend. My BOYFRIEND. MY BOYFRIEND!!!!! Feels strange, yet strangely wonderful. It just rolls off the tongue. Funniest thing, the reason I didn't have a boyfriend when I was 25, my 28 year old man hadn't been born yet. There is a quote on his facebook the world you may be just one person, but to one person you just may mean the world. His birthday is 3:16....His favorite Bible passage, John. Who would a thought?