Saturday, September 23, 2017

The stone has slowly ground it's grits maddened by the mundane. And a poem.

Well. Stardate 24,2017. Well...lo and behold I have done it like before.another one under the belt as intimate as a marriage license that says...your name here. Now that we are done, Haven't we had a lot of fun?? Now that we are through, I can dance to whatever song that I want to. Hold that rudder steady boy, Hoist that anchor to the sky Because I am with out a guy Darkens more the deep black sky... I dance alone..alone I fly. Hoist your anchors to the sky. Yes I found it all again...captain dreadlocks...johnnie...straight college crush... You all seemed the promise such...that I would not be alone as such. And all at once the insanity of doing the same thing over and over again expecting a defirrent result...ends in the insanity it is. Each time I find solidtry I i get a little bit closer to having done something new Even if a broom straw thick. So now embark a quest again? Pray for something new? Change it up comppetely?? VLAD says yes. The choice he offers me physically sickens me to wretching...just as I do it ibthink of saliva or mucous cough spout phlegm. Find someone your own age with experiences that you feel to be similar. Like liking hot younger guys...WELL THAT WOULDN'T WORK NOW WOULD IT? We could pool our money and rent hot young stud beef together...fomenting jealousy and birthing resentment. And roller coasting breakes off down the slippery wet ocean miss covered rock that in this case is sociopathic partner patterns that will lead to S & M or worse. No I will not open door #3 Bob....nor trade it for what's being the currtain....because all the prizes are rolled into a giant Zink the world will laugh at not with. I feel so robbed of the joy and angst anxiety and release the young have these days will never be lived by me. Never...but I guess I should count my blessings for being able experience the things I have and salivate over the others eating the thanksgiving dinner I so want to partake. As auntie mame said...'life is a banquet and most poor fools are starving to death". Not my circus not my monkkies. I want to pull a chair to the table and as the Romans did....gorge to vomiterium to table to graze in a do it all over again. Is that not insanity? I question this definition does not the church performed the same rituals over and over getting the same result? And they are expecting the same outcome again and again is what they are hoping for. So does this not destroy the insanity spectrum? Are there different gradations of insanity? Does not the cow milking farmer suckle is living repetively each day expecting the same result. Is it not insanity to do the same thing over and over reptitivly expecting an believing the same result will occur...ignoring the random...the radical...the unxpected...the gremlin...the atrophy and attenuation?