Thursday, December 29, 2005

ANDY HONDA! GO TO HIS WEBPAGE!!!!!! NOW!!!! you won't be disappointed! If you spoil yourself just once today, this is the way to do it!

Before I even tell you the story, check out this website. Do yourselves a favor. Look at a hot guy and meet the genuinely NICE man behind the body.

A while ago I discovered the joys of the Corbin Fisher Website. Talk about eye candy. You could turn diabetic from it all. But anyway, there was this one total hottie on there named Cody. Well, to say he would turn a few heads would be an understatement. Launch a thousand ships, maybe. Create a few wet dreams giving you a reason to wash the sheets in the morning? For sure!

So surfing around I find him again on Naughtybids. Not that I peruse that venue for anything more than it's educational research value, everyday, several times a day, to the point of compulsion, much like a crack head looking for his next fix. No, not at all. Not me. No Sir. Is there a 12 step program for that sort of thing? Maybe I should start one. And lo and behold, who has some intimate items up for for sale, but Cody. Who now uses the name Andy on Naughtybids.

There are some very nice captures of him and a friend on which is incedentally most probably the best gay blog on the web. Do yourselves a favor and check them out as well!

So I contact him about an item or two and I am extremely impressed with the speed of his answers and the politeness of his replies, not to mention the correct spelling, grammar and punctuation he uses. He is nice, mannerly and polite. He seems to actually care about the sorry ass viewers like us that are spending their hard earned dollars and tries to do his best to give you value.

And now for the best part. This total hottie, extreme value package of a man now has a website all his own!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It is reasonably priced, gives you a lot of value for your buck, and it features him in all his ripped, cut, toned, to die for glory.

So do yourselves a favor and check out

And if you send him an email before he gets to be a megastar, maybe you will still get a personal reply back like I did!

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

And Sometimes You Actually Meet Mr Right Now and he is Mr. Right Now! What a surprise huh?

Sometimes when you meet someone on a phone dating line they do turn out to be Mr. Right now.

For example, tonite's feature du jour said they were a 22 year old bisexual college student 5'9", 190 pounds. Well, they were.

We decided to meet in a BlockBuster parking lot near my home. 1:00am meetings of anykind can be scarey, but hook ups are even moreso nervewracking. You never know if you are meeting a gang of bashers or an ax murderer, or worse yet, a rejection. Your pulse quickens. Your heart pounds. Your mouth dries up. The adrenaline hits the fan. Oh, and you have to pee a lot.

So he follows my car back to my house. Which prompts me to decide that I definitely need a new vehicle. For several reasons. One I can't see out my windows to get a peek at what he looks like, and because it is so frumpy that I know I wouldn't want to follow it to someone's house. I need the fag equivalent of a chick magnet. Which is very funny, because until this point in my life I considered a vehicle nothing more than a way to get from one place to another. Boy was I wrong. I have lost a great deal of my materialistic values over the course of the years. What has happened to me? Thank God being gay is like riding a bicycle, it always comes back to you how to do it, and you can peddle it all over town.

In the rear view mirror I catch a glimpse of his face and hair and think.....Okay, this could very easily be a late night snack. He has dark hair and from the fleeting moment I saw his face, it was pleasing.

Finally at my house, after a 3 minute ride that seemed as long as the new King Kong movie's first half, I ask if he wants to sit around and socialize for a while or just hop into things. He doesn't much care either way.

We go upstairs into the kitchen and I ask him to sit down for a few minutes while I have a cancer stick and ask him a few questions, getting a feel for his personality and the conversation goes much like a job interview. Seems he is home from school on Christmas break. Nice.

Dressed in very dark jeans, a dark leather belt, white T-shirt, black button down he has a very nice shape to him, extremely sexy and powerfull looking, with just the right proportions of shoulder width to waist width, sort of like a short version of college football player. Very strong looking. He is not too stocky for his height.

He has a very handsome face and was a little conscious of his body weight being a little stocky, but he was very pleasant and refreshing in his candid manner. He had spiky brown hair that sort of stood up in an asymetric cut. I could say that he looked a little bit like a stocky Ryan Cabrera, and I wouldn't be too off base. He wasn't the least bit queenie and played baseball when he was younger.

On the phone there was a nice honesty about their personality and a refreshing quality to their maturity. For example they asked if I would be very particular about the kind of guys I was orally intimate with. I said......"Well, to a point, why?" "Well, I am a little heavier than a muscle stud and I am kind of hairy." After telling them hairy could be cool, I said, " lets meet up and if we don't hit it off as each other being something we might want to mess with, we could be on our separate ways" and that went over very well. It was apparent that we would only be going down the hall.

Getting them undressed was fun. Although clingy orange patterned jersey type boxers might not have been the best choice for a first 'date', they were a joy to undress. And fill out those shorts they did. My, my, my. You certainly don't get many of those to a pound! He had huge balls. Not exactly low hangers, like skinny toned guys do, but very big. He was largely endowed as well. Now, I have very large hands, and when I wrapped one around the shaft, there was plenty of junior still hanging out the other end. He was pretty thick too. I won't say it was the size of a small water bottle, but it is probably the best comparison I can make. His nipples were a little tiny, but nice and hard, sticking out like pencil erasers in aurieolas about the size of a nickle. And "kind of hairy" translated into......Take a look at me and if it is any prediction of the sort of winter we can expect, then stock up on lots of bread milk and beer right away! Which is a neutral when it comes to my spectrum of enticement.

All in all, it was a fun time, although it could have lasted longer, but work in the morning is an important consideration in anyone's life and cut this short from being a marathon session. I was asked if I could be called tomorrow, to which I said we shall see what tomorrow brings. (After all, who knows where I might be or who I might meet. Perhaps Prince Andrew will call me and ask me to be the Queen of England, but I guess Sir Elton John already fills that role quite nicely.)

When asked if I was going to pay any attention to his hole. I replied with a mouthful......"Sorry, never on a first date." Manners, manners, manners! And I certainly didn't want him to think I was easy.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Male To Male Phone Dating versus Installing Mousetraps On The Keypad. Hmmmm? Choices Choices.

So I was feeling a bit horned up and I did a search for male to male dating sites. Well, to begin with male to male dating sites are more like.... He's hot. Maybe he'll fuck me. Than the desperate hetero relationship sites which include dinner and a movie as well. Face it though, it is all desperation. Everyone wants to feel closeness,loved, needed, appreciated and in this sometimes unrequitted desire humans revert to the basest of actions to substitute sex for satisfaction. And finding that sex is an adventure of banging your head into the wall. But I digress. This adventure is to tell you the reader why putting mousetraps on your fingers may be preferable to dialing the seven digits of a phone hook-up line, and definitely less painfull.

Learn from my experience today.

Number 1, all men are liars. Meet me at the Rite Aid in 15 minutes I will be wearing the black tee shirt and khaki jeans, in reality means sit desperately in the parking lot of the Rite Aid for 45 minutes wondering if you in fact have the correct Rite Aid, the right city, the right time. Were you a minute late? Did they get cold feet? Did they crank one out while you were still on the phone with them and are now more interested in playing XBox than a blow job?

Number 2, always have a back up plan for escape. If perchance they were not getting their perverse little jollies by thinking of you shivering in the cold of the parking lot, and actually do show up, that super hot voice on the phone may not be any indicator of what actually arrives, and you may need to invent a room mate or have a preplanned phone call to use as an excuse to pry them out of your sofa.

Number 3, All Men Are Liars. Refer to Number 1 lesson. 30 year old, well built, bisexual, in actuallity can mean 40 year old midget queen.

My first clue that all is not as it sounds should have been when they asked if I had any porn, which any self respecting fag would not do without. Silly question. The second clue was when they asked if you had any poppers and when you reply "No", they tell you that's okay, they'll bring their own. The third clue arrises when they called an hour and a half after the specified arrival time saying they were stuck in traffic during their 15 minute drive and did you still want them to come the nicest sexiest, I-gotta-have-them-I'll-die-if-I-don't voice, and you are dumb enough to tell them "of course". The fourth clue should have raised it's ugly head when they call from the driveway and ask, as your dogs are nearly seizuring barking at them....."Those dogs can't get in the house can they? I had a a bad experience with a dog once (similar to the one you are gonna have with me soon) and I won't even get out of the car if they can. And it takes you five minutes to assure them the dogs will not get in the house before they believe you. The fifth clue bares its teeth when they ring your bell, you open the door and don't see anyone standing there until you look down and realize that well built can mean so short they don't even come close to your nipple line. And the sixth clue should lay bare your juglar when bi-sexual means that the sexy masculine voice on the phone is a lispy wrist waving hip swiveling drivel accentuated with a nasal condition brought on by overuse of the aforementioned poppers. and the seventh clue should have been when well built turns out to mean that your own shoe width is wider than their hips.

Number 4. 4o year old midget queenie bisexuals carry pictures of their hot-straight-I-Can't-Sleep-With-Them trophy friends that may or may not be true bisexuals in their camera phones and do not hesitate to show them to you. Nor do they hesitate to show you pictures of their ex-fiancees that they undoubtedly had to fuck with the use of a strap on. Which can be convenient I am sure as when one doesn't have it strapped on, the other one can.

Number 5. It is not neccessarily a good thing when watching a porn as promised and after having told them that they were not your type and that you are not going to touch them in their NO FLY ZONE, they promptly ask you if you mind if they start stroking themselves, promptly pull out a horsecock that does not fit with their midget body, thinking you will throw yourself upon it once it is seen the light of day, and think that the extra small spandex body suit over their black thong really goes with the leather studded cock ring they are wearing and that once exposed you will only melt at their irrisistable poor taste in fashion.

Number 6. Most guys will leave once they have their happy ending, regardless of whether you actually touch them or not, except if they are looking for one of their missing bottles of poppers that they probably lost in an overly large nostril, stretched out from the over use of sticking the bottle all the way up their sinuses to begin with.

And so goes my education.

Number 7. I also learned you can have revealing conversations about nothing that makes people think you have a wonderful personality when in fact you could have recited the ingredients label from a box of Corn Flakes and if you want to appear super intelligent, read them the label from a bottle of vitamins.

Number 8. Don't bother to take the bedspread off the bed ahead of time. Sometimes you will just end up unfolding it and trying to smooth out creases for nothing. Better to shuck it aside in the heat of passion.

Number 9. Don't take a Viagra before you answer the door. Sometimes it is a waste of Better Living Through Chemistry and you end up with a lot of needless chaffing or in my case, not even Viagra would waken the sleeping trouser snake in this situation.

Number 10. Limited lighting eliminates several years from your own age and also gives the impression that your pigsty housekeeping habits have the appearence of exceptionally neat and clean. Or perhaps it is the over use of poppers that clouds some peoples brains.

And finally

Number 11. Tomorrow is always a day filled with hopeful adventures that your mind can make out to be much better than they will be in real life.

And still I reach for the phone. Damn where are those mousetraps? I never learn. And so my education continues.